PAGE 3 - LOOKING A BIT WOOF

When you think of page 3 in newspapers, you automatically associate it with topless models. Carli, 21, from Romford will usually give her opinion on a light hearted subject she is absolutely qualified to discuss, such as which taxation methods the Greeks should use to avoid further economic ruin. Then she follows it up with a quote from Dante's Inferno or similar.

Even if you're not reading the faux-feminist fodder of The Sun or The Star (liberating women's bodies for the eyes of sex-hungry men with single braincells? One of Germaine Greer's less celebrated theories), 'family friendly' tabloids such as The Mirror or The Daily Fail usually possess a shot of a famous lady clothed, but only barely so, and sometimes doing silly things while on holiday. For example; Rihanna in a bikini, using the space where Chris Brown's brain should be as a hash pipe/bong. That sort of thing.

Imagine my surprise when Mr SHOTP brought home a copy of The Metro; so how have they dealt with the page 3 issue?:

It's only a freaking dog balancing shit on its head!!

Look, he can do a can of Pringles! A whole plate!! A frigging glass of water!!! TWO BLOODY ORANGES!!

I hear you sceptics mumbling: "As if people are impressed with this shit nowadays... next thing we'll know, a bloody dog will end up winning Britain's Got Talent! Ridic... OH. FUCK."