Quite literally fighting cancer...

It's been a while but thought it was worth coming out of retirement after reading this rather baffling article:

 

That's funny, Jeremy Clarkson thinks punching someone can relieve his hunger - was he ACTUALLY trying to cure his producer??

Everything Changes But You.

 

THAT'S RIGHT, NO-ONE AT THE SUN HAS AGED ONE BIT IN 14 YEARS.

Oh, hello Mr Dominic Mohan.

Who knew tabloid editors actually aged like humans! I assumed they'd all sold their souls to the devil in some sort of Dorian Gray scenario.

READ ON FOR THE BEST DIET EVER!

Dear The Sun On Sunday,

I've piled on a few pounds over the past year and I'm wondering if you have any tips on how to lose this weight quickly and effectively so I can be back to my svelte self in no time? 

Yours bloatedly,

Mrs SHOTP

The Sun On Sunday: 

*vomits violently and loses six pounds instantly*

From The Metro:

"An elderly couple who were billed £200 for pay-per-view porn films they claim were never ordered insist they are ‘not paying a penny’.

Ann Hayward, 72, and her husband Ron, 75, were left stunned after staff at Virgin Media told them dozens of blue movies had been ordered on their account.

The couple from Reddish, Stockport, have previously disputed bills for adult films in 2009 and 2012 when they refused to pay bills for £190 and £500, the Manchester Evening News reports.

Mrs Hayward maintains neither she nor her husband ordered the films after re-activating Virgin’s ‘on demand service’.

‘I was told everything would be alright and not to worry. We got a message coming up on the TV saying “channels unavailable”,’ she explained.

‘It worried me so I called up and the next day I was told I’d ordered more than £200 of films. I was in shock.

‘I couldn’t believe it was happening again. No-one else comes in here. There’s obviously something wrong with the technology.’

She added: ‘I told them they can take me to court. I’m not paying a penny.’

A Virgin Media spokeswoman said: ‘These films were unquestionably watched by someone in the Haywards’ home.

‘We are happy to arrange a payment plan but have said they may want to find an alternative provider going forward.’"



Possible explanations:

1) That husband who hasn't uttered a word... secretly a dirty little perv.

2) Actually, that is the only explanation.

MISSING: News in the Louth area!

Today, I'd like to extend my fullest sympathies to this woman in Louth. I can't imagine what pain you must be going through and wish you best luck as you try move forward from this incident.

Sky News in sensationalist article shocker!

Sky News - Are you telling me I've just paid thousands and thousands of pounds for a flight simulator and you're not meant to use it to simulate flying?! #gutted

Oh well, at least I've got a nice sock storage cupboard now.